Depression, mental health and suicide
This is a subject I have been writing about for a long time. Some of it has been saved on my computer for a long time and I’m adding to it right now because I am again saddened by another suicide, but luckily, it’s not someone I know in real life.
You see, I’m always on the search for some new good tunes. Anyone who knows me knows that my first love will always be Metallica, but I also love to give my head banging a break and tap my toes. I recently found a guy on my Amazon music who does just that. And to make it even better, he plays the Dobro and mixes it with Southern rock/Delta blues and jams out pretty good. Something different. Today I had all his music on shuffle and then found out that a new album came out in March. Sweet! I looked to see if he was playing any concerts anywhere close by. Nope, only a few this year and they’re already passed, and they were all in the south, of course. (reminds me of when I first discovered my love of Whiskey Myers, but they ended up coming here TWICE!!) I checked him out on YouTube because I wanted to see him play the Dobro. That thing is special to me because my dad had one when I was growing up that he got from his great uncle Gus. Gus’s wife had a steel guitar and my dad’s brother has that. That Dobro was my favorite thing, but so hard to play because the strings are so high off the frets. But oh, is it a beautiful guitar! I even have a black and white copy of Uncle Gus with that Dobro. Too bad he didn’t have a slide over his finger, so my dad and I knew that’s the proper way to play the thing! All these years, and my dad recently found some YouTube videos of the Brandenberger family who plays bluegrass gospel music. My dad loves bluegrass music. A girl in that family plays the dobro on her lap and uses the slide. One year my dad ended up give me that guitar for Christmas and it's one of my prized possessions!!!
So, today, I found some new favorite songs of Brother Dege. Damn, my toes are gonna be sore tomorrow! I really enjoyed the song “Set it Off” because it just sounds different. I was curious about the guy, the band, etc. because I saw that the new album came out in March. Did you see the movie “Django Unchained?” He got his big break when Quentin Tarantino included his song “Too Old to Die Young.” Unfortunately, my curiosity led me to finding that he did, in fact, die young. He took his own life at the age of 56. Exactly a week before the release of his new album. This article (Aurora’s Wake: On Dege Legg’s death and final act – The Current (thecurrentla.com) is interesting, as it talks about how he had a horrible childhood and at the end, all his dreams seemed to be coming true. That wasn’t enough. His medications weren’t enough. Isn’t it crazy that people with such crazy ass talent like him, Chis Cornell, Chester Bennington (just off the top of my head) can give so much joy to strangers like us (I just remembered Robin Williams) while they are hurting so bad inside that they can’t take it any longer and they take their own life? It’s so sad. We tend to think that money, fame and talent buys happiness, but they are proof that it doesn’t. We are all human.
With all that said, I’m glad I found some new music, and am thankful for the talent that Dege Legg and all the others have shared with the world.
A lot more people than we think are fighting battles we have no clue about, because they aren’t famous or made public. Some of these battles are internal. So many of us go on with our day to day without realizing how important mental health is, and how it’s connected to our physical health. I’m not a doctor, I’m not a therapist, and I’m not an expert. But I am an advocate. This is because I am 52 years old and have seen enough to allow me to have an opinion, and this is my blog, so I’m going to share my opinion. ;)
First off, it’s ok to have emotions, good and bad. It’s what you do with those bad ones that matters. Some people are good at working through them on their own and finding the positive in life to get through the tough times. (damn, I envy them) Others wallow in self-pity so much that all they seem to find is the negative, and then their life becomes a recurring cycle of bad things happening to them, them complaining about those things and focusing only on those things, and those things becoming the center of their world. It becomes hard for the positive to find its way in when it can’t be recognized.
On the medical side of things, some people have to take blood pressure medication to regulate it, so they don’t get a stroke. They might need to take medication to control their diabetes, epilepsy, or other medical conditions. This is the same with people who need to take medication for depression, anxiety, or any other mental health issue. It’s worth checking into with your medical professional. Life is too short, and can be hard enough, to suffer through it when there may be help out there for you. To be stubborn and say you don’t want to rely on medication to feel better sounds silly when you think about the same comment if you were to be having an epileptic seizure or something. Now I know that these comparisons are not apples to oranges, but you get the point I’m trying to make.
I’ve had several friends commit suicide. For those of us left behind, there are a lot of emotions. Besides the sadness and grief, there’s anger, resentment and confusion. And of course there’s no closure.
Kelly and I were very close, for a period of time, then she kind of drifted away. We had rekindled our friendship but weren’t as close and didn’t hang out all the time like we had before. She confided in me a lot of times how she had tried multiple times to kill herself long before we had met, and that she still had depression issues. She was on medication for it at one time, and I’m not sure if she still was at the time of her death. I just know of the things that made her heart hurt and the things that she couldn’t get over. I also know of the things I said to her to try to help, and my words didn’t keep it from happening. I knew but didn’t believe I knew that she was going to do it. Then she did, and I was shattered and heartbroken. I still miss her terribly and think of her often, and it’s been over 12 years or so. It’s a helpless feeling to see someone with such a brilliant smile, hearty laugh, great sense of humor and great friend just take it all away from those who loved her. I’m still mad at her and I’m still sad for her. I think that’s why I think it’s ok for me to write all of this and put it out for anyone to see. My personal thoughts. One day there may be more, deeper thoughts and experiences too. We’ll see…
“Little John” committed suicide. Never would have expected that from him. But that comment just sounds silly after the fact, doesn’t it? Apparently not being able to read someone’s mind and get inside their head means that you can’t fix it for them, and there’s no stereotype to watch out for. It was said that his medications were messed up.
Doug was in our wedding and was a sweet man, but never got over taking care of his wife while she was sick and having to watch her slowly die. He remarried and got into drinking heavily. His new wife was much younger, got tired of his drinking and wanted a divorce. So, suicide was his solution. We had drifted apart after he remarried, as they had made their own life and we all just got busy with work and kids. It still came as a shock when it happened.
There are others. It’s like an epidemic. I hear so much negative from people, it’s no wonder people are depressed. I include myself in this negativity, as I catch myself getting sucked into that rabbit hole as well.
I met someone last week who told me she might be going through a divorce, and she was sad about it. Then she said, “but I still have a lot to be thankful for.” That really spoke to me. What a positive outlook on a shitty situation. I wonder what her take would be on the bear vs. man in the woods question? Hahahaha! Just kidding, I don’t want to start thinking about that bullshit again. Hahaha!
Seriously though, I wish I could bring back our loved ones and that we had the magical powers to help them feel better. I know that an extra hug won’t help; words, money or fame won’t help. I know that. I just wish that there was a medication that numbed such a deep pain and still let the happy in. I know it doesn’t work that way.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline | Mental Health America (mhanational.org)
988 Lifeline Chat and Text - 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
National Hotline for Mental Health Crises and Suicide Prevention | NAMI
Mental Health Helplines: International Directory (helpguide.org)
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